Exams and Re-Evaluations

I'm not in the mood to study. I don't know if you can ever truly be in the mood to study, but I do know that right now I particularly do not wish to do so. Right now I want to read. I want to read and go to a concert, see a movie, go shopping, frolick at the arboretum, lounge in my favorite comfy chair at West Village starbucks, walk around turtle creek, have tea with Bayla, write a book, compose music, and take a voice lesson. I want to play a concerto at the Meyerson. And then I want to go to Paris. Then I'm taking the train to London and living there. And after I've travelled to Italy, Greece, Austria, and throughout Europe, I'm stopping by China. I'm speaking what little I know, taking a class to learn more Chinese, and then I'm going to a cathedral in Russia. After I go to the mass in Russia, I'm going to Tchaikovsky's hosue. After that, I'm going to Australia and playing with koalas and kangaroos and platypus and dingos. Then I'm going to New Zealand to visit Colin and Katie. Then I'm going to South Africa and when I'm done solving all of their problems, I'm going to Alaska. When I finish with that, I'm going to India and eating all of their food and I'm going to star in a Bollywood movie (after lots of tanning.) Then I'll come back to America. I'll hang out in San Fransisco for a while, vacation in Sun Valley and Portland and Seattle, move to New York and after I've made it there, I'm moving to Boston with my dogs.

You might be able to gather from my hyper-escapist attitude that I do not want to study or think about school. I kind of just want to run away and live. It seems that studying for exams is the biggest waste of time. If you haven't learned in your classes already, it's your loss. You don't NEED an exam to tell you that you don't know anything.

While I certainly don't want to be here, I'm so nervous about summer. I've gotten incredibly attached to some of my friends here-- (well, let's be honest, that's an understatement. I love my friends here.)--and it's going to be SO weird not having them around all the time. College is nothing like what I expected. And as fed up as I get with frat parties and boys lacking brains, I have to admit that I really do love it. I've probably mentioned it before on here, but I'm a big believer in the fact that life is all about relationships--friendships, romantic relationships, relationships with your family...When I think about my favorite parts of my life, they're rarely things I've experienced by myself. Anyway, to all friends and family reading this, I love you. To all the creepy stalkers, I'm glad you find my life and bizzarre jargon interesting.

I seem to be jumping around quite a bit here, but it's really just because of Cristina being so incredibly on my mind. For those of you who don't know, a classmate of mine committed suicide a couple of days ago. We weren't particularly close, but there is still that sad eeriness of an empty seat in class or (as cliche as it may sound) hearing her laugh resonate so vividly in your ears. I think Cristina's death has really shaken up a lot of the kids on campus--whether they knew her personally or not. Kids my age have such an extreme sense of cockiness that it leads to the feeling of impenetrability and immortality. Whenever something like this happens, it's a reminder that we really are in control over our own lives and that it doesn't last forever. That's probably what spurred my opening paragraph of crazy desires. Part of me thinks that life is too short to be cooped up in a library for a month when I would learn so much more travelling the world or hit the ground running in New York. At the same time, it makes me appreciate my friends and family so much more. I remember when Brendan passed away it scared me so badly that I literally thought about it every single day for a year and a half. It made me want to live better and love better. It made me want to write a note to all of my friends telling them my favorite things about them and thank every person in my family for being so wonderful and nurturing and supportive of nearly every whim and desire.

I can't fathom being one of Cristina's best friends and the pain and hurt they must be feeling right now. The first thing I thought of when I heard about it was--what on earth would I do if that happened to Laura or Bayla or Kim? I really can't imagine my life without these people and it breaks my heart just imagining it. I know it's morbid and something I probably shouldn't think about, but I can't help it. I didn't intend for this to get so morbid or sappy or cheesy, but it's been very much on my mind. You know that game "Don't Break the Ice?" It's this thing where one figurine person stands in the middle and you slowly tap out different blocks of ice and knock out as many as possible without the whole thing falling apart. That's how my relationships work. My friends and family are my support system, entertainment, and buddies. If one person was missing, it would all fall apart.

Let's see if I can end this on a more positive, less morbid note :)

I saw The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee on Friday with Abbey and it was phenomenal. It was a really incredible touring cast AND I got to meet Andrew Keenan Bolger (who I have a mild obsession with/stalk on youtube.) He graduated from Michigan MT last year and his sister (Celia) is equally phenomenal. He could not have been any sweeter (and he said I looked like a trendy Musical Theatre person!) We're now facebook friends. It must be love.

Alright, well I've procrastinated long enough. Love you guys.

Playing with layouts JUST for a day or two:)

forgive me! just hang tight comments will come back shortly!

She has it in her to become whatever she is believed to be. We must think the best of her.

While I am incredibly ready for this semester to end, I am far from ready for this Novel of Manners class to come to a close. It has really been one of the most positive aspects of the entire year. I have loved the texts we read and I excitedly anticipate each class discussion. I often find myself bored with school (let's be honest--who really wants to spend a semester studying monks and the Aeneid?), but this class is a complete exception. I've also really enjoyed my theatre class. (Yes, all of you folks who witnessed my skepticism in the beginning of the year can say 'I told you so' now.) It was a huge challenge and haven't fared nearly as well as I would have liked, but I have made a sincere and total commitment to the class. Music Theory is the same challenge as always--dispelling the mystery of music, presenting troubles as it is more mathematical than literary... However, I feel once the series is over I will be glad I suffered through it all and will move on to more specific musical subjects that interest me.

Juxtaparty wasn't quite the event I envisioned largely due to a few time constraints and pesky weather, but all things considered I was pleased with the event. The team was incredibly helpful and supportive, and those who came throroughly enjoyed it.

New York part 2 still probably will wait for a while. You know that glorious feeling of holding in secrets? Or stories that you don't want to even tell your best friends because that memory--or reverie, almost--would somehow be dispelled or disenchanted if you revealed it to another? Those are my sentiments about New York. I wish to keep it on its hazy pedestal buried in my memory. I want to keep it something that belongs solely to me. So, until I keep it for myself long enough, I'm keeping it concealed. Sorry, friends.

What else is new? I'm excited for the summer, but nervous about how I'm going to make enough money to
a) pay my mother back for the exorbitant amount of debt I have
b) potentially have enough money to go on a small trip with friends this summer
c) enough money for next year
AH! If anyone has any ingenious ideas, they are more than welcome! Here are my current ideas:
a) work at Starbucks in the mornings
b) work for a wedding planner? (How hysterical would that be?)
c) be a waitress
d) Try to get involved with DCPA (Dallas Center for the Performing Arts)

If you have any other brilliant ideas let me know!

I need to go to class (novel of manners--yippee!) soon, but I have to end on a note that I am now TERRIFIED by facebook.

I was primarily freaked out by "statuses," that you could see exactly what people were doing when they were doing it. Now, Facebook chat has been launched. I don't remember who I was discussing this possibility with earlier, but I am terrified. You can now stalk people, email them, look at their pictures, know what they're doing at this exact moment, and chat with all your friends ALL on website at once. I am TERRIFIED!

Okay let's end on a positive note...

Two of my favorite quotes of all time:
"Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." -Anne Hebert

"I am often so clever that I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying." - Oscar Wilde

Blogging Neglect

Hey friends--I know it's been a while. I think I generally blog when I'm really happy and have time...This is not a frequent occurance these days. I've had a ridiculous number of papers and tests as of late AND I've been out of town a lot (I got into Damn Yankees for the summer, by the way....Hooray!) so although I have been happy, I do not ahve any time! If I do not tonight, I promise I will tomorrow.

Still angsty, but still truckin'

Forecast for tonight in Memphis:
My mother always said "Happiness is a choice." While I don't know that I will ever agree with her that is undeniably a choice at all times, I certainly agree in some instances. Like now. I'm at a beautiful school. I am suffering from a mild cold, not a terminal illness. If my greatest woes are academic stress, nerves before an audition, frustration with weather, and general concerns about summer and next year school-wise/work-wise, I think I've got it pretty good.

More things that are making me happy:
1. I really do love rain.
2. I'm going to Dallas tomorrow. This means Kim Starfield, Beth Wortley, Bonnie Jean Coleman, and my family. I'm pretty freaking excited.
3. Even though Juxtap'arty won't be quite as I envisioned or what I wanted it to be, there will be the following things
-Woolsocks performance
-performance by Leigh Devries and Sarah Dockery
-Chinese lanterns
-free food
-my favorite friends coming to support me/CODA
all of these things make me happy.
4. Legal Grounds is in Dallas and I am craving oatmeal pancakes.
5. I'm done with my freshman year in four weeks. Hallelujah.

See? It's really not so bad. I'm just a worry wart throwing myself a pity party. Alas, all will be well.

I anticipated further explaining my NYC adventures (including the wonders of what SAA could be!) but I'm not sure I'll have the time to adequately channel that blissful euphoric feeling I had this past weekend. Maybe when I'm in Dallas, I will.

Until then, I hope you all have a pleasant night and weekend. And fam, if you read this, I am so, so excited to see you. :)

Hesitiations about Continuing this Post:

I want to continue this post and tell you of all my other adventures in New York. Really, I do. Maybe it's just current angst with this dreadful weather that hates me and my beautiful Juxtap'arty that's bogging me down, but my zeal and Disney-princess-like sentiments regarding life have flickered and vanished. Yes, hyperbolic drama queen speech has returned. I'm sorry.

Hopefully a less angsty post about how Juxtaparty wasn't quite as awful as I anticipated or the wonders of New York will be up shortly...

When a Broadway Baby says "Goodnight," It's early in the mornin'

So I'm back from New York City. I can't really explain my experiences to you appropriately because there aren't words in my vocabulary to express my attachment to this city, its history, and its people. To say that I am enamoured is a gross understatement. I worship New York. Forgive me, because I'm truly about to get (oh, what is the character's name from NYC? the girl from Allentown?) Peggy Sawyer! I'm about to go Peggy Sawyer on you. I had a rotten week in Memphis, was generally bogged down on life, and numbly got onto our Northwest flight. It didn't hit me that we were actually going to the city until our taxi picked us up from LaGuardia. The sentiments I first felt as a starry eyed broadway-centric 10 year old flooded back. "The rumble of the subway trains, the rattle of taxis" resounded in my ears. A naive, childish grin immediately split across my face and my troubles literally evaporated.

I wish I could tell you that this was my usual hyperbolic, cinematic narrative, drama queen speech, but it's not. I really felt this way. In that single taxi ride to our hotel, all my woes and frustrations obliterated into the wonderful gritty air and I had a clean slate on which to paint. And so I did.

After staying at the hotel for about five minutes, we scurried off to Grand Central Station (a block away) and met one of John Weeden's Bard friends, Rob Blackson. He was the most wonderfully hysterical character I'd ever met. Sporting a goofy, genuine grin and a home-made contrasting color (aqua blue and bright orange) asymmetrical zip up jacket, he told us very earnestly of his experiences in the professional art world. Lauren (Kennedy) and I completely fell in love with him.

We then took a brief visit to the New Museum. I surprisingly loved it. Now when I say I was "surprised" that I enjoyed it, I don't mean that it is that difficult for me to enjoy visual art. It's just that I didn't expect to like it quite so much. Granted, I know I didn't fully appreciate or understand much of it, but I really did enjoy browsing around. (I'm still completely perplexed how Lauren could deem "Oh, this is not very good" or "Oh, this is fantastic" when it seems a great deal of thought and time were put into both and it seems entirely subjective. When I asked her if it was, indeed, subjective, she said "of course! It's how it moves you and makes you feel!" So I responded "So this isn't good?" "No." Oh, okay. Essentially, it confirmed that I am visual-art-retarded but I have a great appreciation and admiration for those who are visually inclined.

After another brief (can you tell this trip was jam packed?) visit with Rhodes alum Amanda Sisk (who was absolutely awesome and rather amiable) I booked it back to the hotel to grab my phone charger (now may be an appropriate time to inform you all that Razor phones are terrible and lose charge halfway through the day) and then dash off to the Ethel Barrymore to see Nathan Lane in November. Nathan Lane was hysterical. The play was not. After I finished the play (and by that, I mean I possibly did not stay for the whole thing, but enough to appreciate the faces that Mr. Lane makes like that on the left) I ran down to Greenwich Village to visit with Kavitha Surana (Columbia), Jay Kling (NYU), and Vincent Tenorio (Pomona), all high school buddies who either lived in NYC or happened to be there for the weekend. I magnificently navigated the subways to the Village, but finding their location proved more challenging.




My friends were at Cafe Wha?, a pretty famous oh-my-god-I've-just-popped-out-of-another-era-mixed-with-RENT-minus-AIDA hole int he wall place in the Village. Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix have both played there. It's no big deal or anything. So despite the fact that they had the best live band I had ever seen and I was with twelve of the most fun college kids I think I've ever been around, it wreaked of New York. I seriously felt like I was in an alternate universe. It was bliss.


PAUSE! TO BE CONTINUED!