Lizzie Taught Him That

I love that my life is fully consumed by music right now. The most rewarding thing about my life right now is that I have fewer obstacles to my truest love, and therefore fewer obstacles to happiness. At Hockaday, it was an extra-cirricular. I went "above and beyond." I wasn't just a student, I fully pursued the arts. In truth, I did what I had to to get by academically (at least in subjects that didn't fully interest me...this wasn't always the case in English and it was never the case if I had a teacher who made me love the subject) and devoted my real energy to the arts. I don't regret it at all. At Rhodes, I was an student involved in all sorts of activities. I was a resume builder. But I also spent hours every evening sneaking into Hassell, punching in the code I memorized to play the Steinway, and would compose, sing, research, and learn new music alone in that old building until 3:00 or 4:00 AM in the morning, barely getting enough sleep to be coherent in class the next morning. I spent my mornings feeling frustrated and trapped, my afternoons flustered and overbooked, and my evenings occupied with meetings and rehearsals. Twilight was when I was free and happy. Rhodes is a sleepy campus most of the time--even on the weekends but particularly through the week in the evenings. I felt like Jo March, working on inspiration deep into the night, trying desperately to make a career out of her passion. Interestingly enough (and much to my mother's chagrin) I feel the money we spent on tuition for Rhodes was spent more towards that Steinway piano in Hassell and my use of it (I guarantee you I spent more time on it than anyone else in that year) than my classes, dorm experience, college experience overall, and daytime education. I lived and breathed a couple of my classes last year; Jennifer Brady was one of the best teachers I've ever had (as were Dr. Harter, Professor Cohen, and John Weeden) and I learned immensely from them, just as I learned that fixing the Rhodes bookstore, drinking at frat parties, spending hours doing MacGamut (or McDamnit, rather), pretending to be interested in visual art, singing in a mediocre ensemble (not Rhodes Singers--that was a phenomenal experience) was not what I want to spend my time doing. I'm not a sorority girl. I'm not interested in being at a Student Government meeting for a school that's not right for me. I don't want music theory to ruin the mystery and magic of my passion. I don't want to pursue things that are a waste of time or going to result in mediocrity. I don't care about emotions-on-your-sleeve avant garde theatre and professors that play endless games to dissuade you from your career choice.

Right now, I'm in my den, playing Audra McDonald, browsing through the pictures I've uploaded of the show I just closed (Annie Get Your Gun), smelling of nasty old frappucino mix from work, with blisters on my feet from the show, a backache from what I'm currently rehearsing, and the happiness that I spent time on something that was ultimately fulfilling. I'm safe here, surrounded by the comfort of the home I've grown up in, full of old pictures of family, yearbooks from St. John's, Madame Alexander dolls we collected as kids, and the space that's been full of love, affection, family events, drama, fights, makeups, faith, and friends from as far back as I can remember. Here I am encouraged to pursue my passion. My home supports me. My family supports me. Old friends, teachers, and this city support me. Here I can thrive, create, and learn. And even though I'm envious of Memphis fall, I'm sent encouragement almost daily that I'm moving in the right direction.

I've run off on a tangent again. Surprise, surprise. Basically, I just love the feeling of waking up happy. I might not be happy to go to work (at least initially) or drag myself from audition to rehearsal to performance--the day to day mundane things, but overall I couldn't be happier. Life is being quite wonderful to me, and I'm trying to soak in every moment and experience I can.