Curse the World: Angst Rant

Thank goodness for Thomas Newman. Okay ladies and gents--there's way too much on the mind so here goes nothing.

(Sorry that this blog tends to be the things that my brain can no longer contain and so they sloppily spill into this internet space that you've stumbled upon. That's unfortunate.)

THINGS:

SMU Audition went really well. Both monologues were pretty decent, song went exceedingly well, and cold read shakespeare well. Mr. monitor man seemed impressed. Things look good.
The Positive: SMU is known for theatre. Good connections to DTC, good training.
The Negative: However, these connections are supposedly now going to be reserved for SMU grad students. This sucks majorly. I am not a grad student. Unfortunately. Additionally, I could get out in three years minimum. BA in English? We'll see.

Improv Class is freaking awesome. Love Emily and Matt Gray--pretty much worship/idolize both of them so I truly get the best of both worlds. While I want to punch most of the class in the face on a daily basis (it's like the Rhodes theatre crowd--the techies who never got onstage in highschool and now triumphantly take over with very un-funny jokes) there are a couple kids in there I really enjoy and the teachers are so fabulous that I can't complain.

Taking Bio and Stat is very un-fun. Lame.

Having strep throat is also really lame. I slept like 72 hours over the last four days. Literally nearly slept 24 hours straight through. Scary business. Still not feeling great.

Cursing this world mostly because of shows. Current dilemma.
Carousel is option A. It's in Denton (boo) but there's a full orchestra (hooray!) and it's Rodgers and Hammerstein (hooray!) with great dancing (hooray!) and they offered me to be Lead Dancer (hooray!-ish) considering I literally did not sing at the audition due to this lovely bout of strep. Two months of rehearsal (boo) for two weekends of shows (boo.)

Urinetown is option B. It's at Richland (eh) with the greatest musical director in town (hooray!) and Wendy Welch directing (hooray!) and N Morris choreographing (hooray!) and Tim H playing piano (hooray!) AKA most incredible production team EVER. However, while I have been called back I have not been cast and I could get an exceedingly small exceedingly lame role. (PS the talent of the cast in Carousel will be amazing.)

So here's the deal. Show that I love with limited exposure in a great space and something that literally just fulfills my soul?

Or show that I loathe and despise with a potentially better role and an AMAZING production team albeit possibly mediocre cast?

Kill me!

hold up...TBC (though I always say that and it never happens)

Oh, to be 19...

I need a new last name.

Reynolds? Linley? Tracy? James? Oh, who knows.

I still want to travel. I don't want to be bound by rules.

I need to learn. A lot. I need to memorize literally books of accompaniment. I need to discover all that I can about Maltby and Shire.

I need to create. I need to finish what I start.

I need to learn to take one thing at a time. But that doesn't necessitate slowing down.

I need to stop dreading next fall and figure out a way to survive in it and be happy.

I need to embrace failure, suck it up, and audition.

I need voice lessons.

I need to dance again. I need someone to choreograph for.

I need a project.

I need not to allow my social life to be a priority.

I need to make the present and the future my priority.

I need to embrace straight theatre.

I need to stop being so restless.