On Fellowship, Reflection, and What's to Come

Virginia Woolf once said, "One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them."


Consider this point in my life that sign.


The more I experience, the more people I encounter and admire, and the more I grow, the more I comprehensively understand that I am part of something greater.  Human beings are innately selfish; actors are moreso.  And 20-somethings are the worst.  We've just been liberated from the watchful shepherding by our parents and get our first tastes (and abuse) of complete independence.  We're unleashed.


I often find myself struggling with the sort of life I am leading.  Not that I think I'm making bad decisions or not living life fully...but--knowing and understanding that there's so much beyond my personal little 22 year old world--is it wrong to be so self-focused?  I'm incredibly ambitious and critical and driven.  I'm judgmental.  I dream big.  I have goals.  I, I, I.  


I know there's so much of this world beyond me.  And I really do think--not just superficially--that I'm married to this business because I wish to be part of its brigade or team or fellowship of artists.  And subsequently I feel a duty among those artists to share beauty and to entertain.


So in the meantime is it selfish to desire a certain level of art-making?  To always want to be a student?  To be yearning for all these great big things?


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In 10 days, I complete my 7.5 month contract with Prather Entertainment Group.  I've done 2 productions  and over 200 performances. I've lived and worked with the same group of people for over half of my 22nd year.  I've lived in 3 new states--and lived in cities I didn't know existed.  I've visited the Appalachian trail, seen ghost towns, visited canyons and waterfalls and mountains, seen two oceans, visited New York and Philadelphia, gone to Disney World, lived in Phoenix, spent time on the beach, and visited islands.  


I've learned that I love living in the Northeast just as much as I always expected I would.  I love trees and hills and quaint Northeastern towns.  I love the perfect fall in Lancaster and tomato pie in Lititz.  I love feeling like I'm in Stars Hollow or Little Women.


I love living on the beach and I love skipping winter while living in Florida.  I love fried shrimp and key west and bananas foster.  I love sunbathing in January.  I love having a gym membership wherever I go.


I love mountains and hiking.  I do not like cacti and I do not like the desert.  I do not like flatness.  I love the monastery and grilling my own chicken sandwich and hanging out watching people play beach volleyball while the sun is setting over mountains.


I love falling in love with a whole new group of wonderful, wonderful people from all over the place.  I love creating a new little family.  I love proving to myself that you can find something new in a show even 150 performances in.  I adore dancing every day.  I cherish traveling,


I am shocked that I haven't been homesick (only family-sick--which is a different matter.)  Not even a bit.  I am shocked that I can handle this.  And not only that I can handle it, but I love it.


I love this beautiful, wonderful business.  I've even loved doing dinner theater.  And I can't tell you how grateful I am that my world has broadened and my knowledge has expanded and my heart has filled from this incredible journey.  I don't know if this has been some glorious fluke or if I'm bound for some long-term success with this lifestyle, but I am immeasurably grateful.


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Two weeks ago, just for experience's sake, I went to my first out-of-Dallas audition.  Ever.  I wanted the Disney experience and I wanted to experience the A Chorus Line dance call, so a couple friends and I hauled our booties overnight (after a night show) from Phoenix all the way to Los Angeles for a couple auditions.  After minimal sleep and a full night of driving, we arrived at Screenland Studios in LA.  There was no dancer or character call for Disney that Monday, but there was a singer call for Tokyo Disneyland.  I sang 16 bars, was asked for a call back, taught myself four songs (nearly walked out of the audition because I thought--"who are you kidding? you can't do/sing this!"), learned a movement combination, and got measured.  Two nights ago, I received an email from casting in Tokyo offering me a 7 month contract in Tokyo beginning in July.


Guys, I promise it is ten times more baffling to me than it is to you, but I'm moving to Tokyo.


My luck in this business so far has been stupid.  So much that has happened to me has just been unfathomable.  Three years ago, I didn't even know I could do musical theater professionally.  Two years ago, I found myself in theater school.  Last year, I graduated and did a couple shows that changed my life (namely Cabaret--but I learned immense amounts from Sanders, Flora, the Wiz, and Gypsy all in very specific and unpredicted ways).  This year, I've traveled the country touring a show.  This coming year, I'll be performing internationally.


It is all mind boggling and thrilling and terrifying.  I love being scared like this.  I feel like it's a good sign.


I promise to be a better and more consistent blogger while I'm in Tokyo.  I'm getting a FlipCam and everything so I can video blog.  I'm totally going to climb Mount Fuji.  And learn Japanese.  And learn to like sushi.  I'm so excited.


I also kind of feel like I'm pursuing the most roundabout way of moving to New York.  But I'm sure it'll happen at some point.  It's inevitable, right?


In the meantime, I get to enjoy a couple of glorious months with my wonderful, wonderful family in Dallas.  I'll get to love on people and Whole Foods and Half Price books and the arboretum and White Rock Lake and Northpark.  And Village Burger Bar and its perfect sweet potato fries.  And avocado fries from Comissary.  And White Rock Coffee.  It'll be good to spend some time at home.  And work.  And enjoy.  And reflect.


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I'm not sure why I've neglected this blog.  Either I'm so overwhelmed by learning and experiencing so much that I'm unsure of how to compartmentalize and identify what's going on, or I'm so satisfied and confident in where I'm going that I don't need this blog as what-am-I-doing-therapy.  Or maybe it's neither and I don't know the answer yet.


At any rate, I promise to get better.  And update more.  And share more.


In the meantime, know this: I am incredibly excited about my life pretty much all the time.  And I think that's kinda great.


Pratherites, you rock.  Thank you for this adventure.  Family, I can't wait to be back with you.  Life, keep it comin'.  Bring it on.  I'm ready:)