I've been friends with adults/people 20-50 years my senior since I was a small child. I was always the girl who was friends with her teachers rather than her classmates, friends with her "friends'" parents rather than the actual kids themselves. I don't really know why this is. People say I'm an old soul--and I guess that's true (whatever that means.) My soul age is probably about 55. It hasn't really aged too much since I was a munchkin, though. The scary thing about my makeup is that I have the boundless energy of a 5 year old, the optimism and ambition of a 21 year old, and the occasional wariness/cynicism of a 55 year old. It's a curious composition and I don't know that it always serves me beneficially.
At any rate, I have a pool of people who serve as my chosen family. (Have to preface this by saying that I adore my birth family--but I'm now referring more to my theatrical family/best older friends.) I sometimes generalize and just call them the "mamas." (Although some of them have fits when I refer to them that way--one even insists that I call her Auntie Mame.) Regardless, I love these women. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to grab coffee with one of these women. Now, I don't know if she's entered the mama/cool aunt territory, but she definitely serves as a Yoda-esque-been-there-done-that figure. She's infinitely snarky and wise and has had about half of the various careers that interest me. (I'll die before I reach 1/3 of the occupations I'm interested in.) We had a glorious 90 minute gab-session regarding life/theatre/things we both want to achieve and it was totally liberating. Not only is it always helpful to have someone older tell you that you're not insane and should pursue everything, but it's also nice to have a living breathing role model of sorts sitting in front of you. And somehow, I seemed to have provided a small inspiration of sorts for her. She compared being with me for 90 minutes to "plugging into a power grid" and said it was refreshing to see someone so excited about things. It was nice. I think I need to schedule check-ins with my various mamas/Yodas/aunts to help garner perspective on life every couple of weeks or so. Or at least every month.
Lyric Stage--oh, beautiful Lyric Stage--announced their magical 2011-2012 season, and y'all, I nearly peed my pants over it. They're doing Gypsy, Rags, Kismet, and Oklahoma. Sounds like heaven, right? And get this: they're ALL in Carpenter hall. They're ALL with a full orchestra. (Cue Katharine passing out.) I was expressing how remarkable the season was to my middle school musical theatre class yesterday, and the girls promptly called me a freak for being so enthused. It's probably warranted. I don't know anyone else who gets so giddy excited about musicals STILL after encountering oodles of theatrical folk for the past couple of years. Then again, I don't know anyone quite as enamored with Lyric as I am, so there ya go. Most 21 year olds want to do Rent and Next to Normal. I salivate over Gypsy and Oklahoma. It's just how it goes.
This leads me to..........auditions. Oh, auditions: you wretched, fickle foe. I hate them. I hate that months of prep work can be squandered by a cold or a brain fart over 60 seconds in a very cold rehearsal hall. I hate that you have months to get excited about prepping for a show, and after those 60 seconds all that excitement can be obliterated. I hate not knowing if you'd ever be considered for a certain role. I hate not knowing exactly how a director feels about you. Unfortunately, there's no show without an audition, and there's no Katharine without shows. Herein lies the problem.
I've been a chorus girl for as long as I've done theatre. Well....sort of. I've never had consecutive voice lessons, I've had two semesters of questionable acting training from school, and I technically quit dance training in high school. And yet--somehow--I've found myself in the musical theatre business. Anyone who knows me knows that I've been a huge musical theatre nerd since birth; that's undeniable. However, it didn't even occur to me that I could maybe do it until 2 years ago and suddenly I felt completely behind. I was auditioning with people who'd done pageants for years, and taken all kinds of lessons for years, and gone through ten rounds of Camp Broadway or Camp We've Got Talent or Theatre School or Musical School or who knows what and I felt completely outleagued. Somehow...the nerdiness elevated me to a place where I could somehow sort-of compete with these people. I was such a freak for so many years watching and rewatching the Rodgers and Hammerstein shows/Lerner and Loewe movies/and every high school musical put on in the metroplex that whatever knowledge I gained by watching others somehow infiltrated into me. I'm hugely grateful. (This is why I am so passionate about teaching.)
Anyway, breaking out of the chorus is something I have incredibly mixed feelings about. On one hand, I'm growing increasingly attracted to roles (and specifically arcs of characters.) I'm growing more confident with my singing (bit by bit...and gosh darnit if I don't start taking lessons soon...) I haven't stepped out much (I've only had a couple of roles--and they're mostly the glorified chorus girl/secondary dance-y couple roles) but I've really enjoyed it so far. That said, there are shows where I may be right for a role but would still HAPPILY (perhaps even more happily) be in the ensemble. If there's spectacular dancing, you bet your bottom dollar I'd rather dance captain than be the star. Still, I have this silly burning desire to push my limits and see what I can do. Now that I've learned that I'm a decent enough dancer to make it into professional ensembles, I want to move forward. This is terrifying. And exciting. The worst part is putting myself out there and prepping for roles that may be completely out of reach and not at all what the director/producer/choreographer are looking for. I guess it can't hurt anything (besides my pride/ego/self-esteem) to just prep and learn everything about a character in a show. In fact, regardless of result, it would probably be a wonderful learning experience in a myriad of ways. So do I prep for roles that may be out of my league? What would you do?
Can you tell my brain is going a million miles a minute?
(SUBTEXT: I GRADUATE IN 3 MONTHS WITH A BFA IN THEATRE WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY LIFE?)
I want to do everything. I want to choreograph, teach, music direct, play keyboard in the pit, star, support, feature, dance captain, direct, write, blog, paint, produce, cook, live inside a theatre. I don't know how to do this sustainably. I don't even know that I can do this. I just know that I want to. Badly.
Plugging into a power grid, indeed.
Enough crazy-Katharine-thoughts. Here's what's happened:
1. I graduate in 3 months. I keep getting emails about caps and gowns. I'm not going to graduation. But I'm still graduating. Instead, I'll be in a performance of Cabaret at Dallas Theater Center. That's totally more appealing anyway.
2. I'm currently in performance of Flora, the Red Menace at Lyric Stage. (Oh, Lyric Stage) It's a wonderful experience. It's an ensemble of 9 actors and we all work our butts off (I don't get any sitting/dressing room time and I play 4 characters) and it's oodles of fun. It's a great theatrical workout. It's fantastic to have a role. Fantastic and scary and fine.
3. I'm giddy over next season.
4. I want to do theatre all over the country. I missed the application deadline for SETC (big general auditions.) Help.
5. I want to get out, but I'm not interested in waitressing in New York and becoming jaded and disenchanted by a theatrical lifestyle at 21.
6. I just want to work.
7. I can't wait for Cabaret.
8. I have senioritis: College Edition.
9. Stan Wojewodski, Jr. has revolutionized my SMU experience for the better. My sentiments about the program have improved 200% this year. I am so grateful for this I could cry.
10. I have discovered I'm enamored of cooking. And painting. Although that news is not as new.
11. I haven't slept in 2 days.
12. I'm a frustrated artist.
13. I'm an artist largely in love with my artistic life.
14. I'm just terrified of the future.
And how are you today?
3 comments:
You should ALWAYS audition for any role that you want to play, regardless of whether you think you're "right" for it, or not. I've been cast several times in shows that I almost didn't audition for because I didn't think there was a part in them for me. Directors can see what we can't, and sometimes see what others don't. The worst that can happen is you get "Thanks, but no thanks" and you move on to the next audition. A good friend of mine has a good motto for dealing with auditions. It's very simple. When an audition is over, he just says "Next" and moves on. If you get the gig, great, if not, maybe the next one! So go for it, and remember that if you don't get cast, it's not because you aren't good, because you've proven that you DO have a ton of talent.
5. I want to get out, but I'm not interested in waitressing in New York and becoming jaded and disenchanted by a theatrical lifestyle at 21.
This will only happen if you let it. I may be calling this particular one out because I selfishly want you in the city to play with. BUT you have the talent. Your face on stage is impossible not to watch. You glow, girl. You are meant for big things. And for heavens sake AUDITION!
Maria Shriver once said she had a conversation with her Mother about "doing it all." Eunice Kennedy said, "You CAN do it all, but in stages." Best
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