In here, Life is Beautiful

“Are you a good playwright?”

“Well, um...I don't really know. I love writing. I'm a good writer. But I think my writing style would lend itself more to screenwriting.”

Fancy Theatre Man stares quizzically for a moment, then launches another question. He's been interrogating nonstop for five minutes straight already. The second I begin to answer a question, I watch the wheels start spinning in his brain preparing the next question. I think it would be exhausting to have his brain. I mean, I exhaust myself often—my overactive brain and lazier impulses are in conflict with one another on a regular basis. I think Fancy Theater Man's brain works about five times as hard as mine does. It's pretty remarkable. He's like the energizer bunny (and I know I'm not the first person to have said this about him.)  Fancy Theatre Man resides 5 floors above the performance hall in the Wyly.  I've come to believe that building serves as the best educational facility and church I've ever attended.  (Deacon Fancy Man does have a nice ring to it...)

Last night in the show (5 floors below Fancy Man), mid-Entr'Acte, I see this glorious smiling face on a golden-years-woman and I realize it is my 6th grade teacher, Trigger Butler.  Trigger Butler was the best.  She made every moment of every class theatrical.  She loved teaching.  She was the first person to ever put me onstage and make me "act" and a decade later she saw me in the biggest professional production I've been in.  How freaking cool is that?  I also had two girls from Hockaday (who I haven't spoken to in years) come see the show last night and we caught up and had a blast afterwards.  I have had people from elementary, middle, and high school come see this show. It is the coolest thing and it makes me so grateful to have such remarkable people in my life.

The show closes in a week. I am beyond devastated. This experience has been perfect—and that's not a word I use liberally. There isn't a single second I would have changed and there hasn't been a single moment I haven't been thrilled to be exactly where I was. I know I keep talking about it (and I'm sure you're sick of hearing it) but it just blows my mind how flawless the experience has been. I had such enormous hopes for this process and this show and they have been superseded in every possible way. I only hope I have the luxury of even a comparable experience in the future. I'm sucking it all up like a sponge—a very enthusiastic sponge. (Can sponges be enthusiastic?) This theatrical adventure I've been on the past couple of years has been an enormous learning experience; I've learned so much in a condensed period of time. However, pre-Cabaret, I felt like the train was beginning to slow down. I was learning exponentially less with every experience because there really wasn't much variety in each experience I was having. I now feel like I've picked up so much momentum it's more like a rollercoaster going downhill at warp speed.

A month ago, I couldn't fathom a single thing that would remedy my imminent post-show depression. It then occurred to me that the only thing that would save my I-miss-the-Wyly sadness would be to stay there. Thus, I had a new mission. After an email requesting to be coffee-runner/nerd-with-a-laptop/can-I-just-pop-in-on-rehearsals? I got a response asking me to be assistant director.

….um....heck yes.

My sequence of reactive emotions was similar to those following the Cabaret callback:

1. YES! YES YES YES! (I cried. I bounced. It was happy.)
2. OH GOOD GRACIOUS I AM UNDERQUALIFIED.
3. WHAT IF I SUCK??
4. WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I met with Fancy Man yesterday about the show, hoping that it would ease my fear a bit; It did not. My responsibilities are even greater than I imagined and the show is insanely ambitious. I am so excited I could puke. I am getting to work. I get to be challenged. I get to be terrified in the best way possible. I can't wait. (Okay, maybe I can. It means Cabaret will be over.)

I've also (as those who have been following know) been trying to figure out what to do with my life over the past month or so. (I'm still taking suggestions, by the way...) I've decided to apply to grad school (for next year.) I've applied for a fellowship outside of Dallas (which I won't get.) Beyond that, I have no clue what to do with myself. As Fancy Man told me yesterday, it's almost a burden to have such diverse possibilities as pursuing an MBA, acting, or teaching in children's theatre. It is both a terrifying and thrilling time.

All this goes to say...

1. I am having the time of my life
2. I seem to be into numbering things today
3. I super-heart working with people as passionate about what they do as I am
4. I always want to be challenged and stimulated; I know that happens here
5. You should probably tell me what to do with my life in the fall.

And on a super unrelated note...My mom got me an iPad for graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH! Yes. Which means, more importantly (I suppose)...

I GRADUATE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm not walking. I can't actually attend graduation. I will be busy bouncing around with my favorite people half-naked in the Wyly Theater. But...

I WILL HAVE MY BFA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In here, life is beautiful.