Exams and Re-Evaluations

I'm not in the mood to study. I don't know if you can ever truly be in the mood to study, but I do know that right now I particularly do not wish to do so. Right now I want to read. I want to read and go to a concert, see a movie, go shopping, frolick at the arboretum, lounge in my favorite comfy chair at West Village starbucks, walk around turtle creek, have tea with Bayla, write a book, compose music, and take a voice lesson. I want to play a concerto at the Meyerson. And then I want to go to Paris. Then I'm taking the train to London and living there. And after I've travelled to Italy, Greece, Austria, and throughout Europe, I'm stopping by China. I'm speaking what little I know, taking a class to learn more Chinese, and then I'm going to a cathedral in Russia. After I go to the mass in Russia, I'm going to Tchaikovsky's hosue. After that, I'm going to Australia and playing with koalas and kangaroos and platypus and dingos. Then I'm going to New Zealand to visit Colin and Katie. Then I'm going to South Africa and when I'm done solving all of their problems, I'm going to Alaska. When I finish with that, I'm going to India and eating all of their food and I'm going to star in a Bollywood movie (after lots of tanning.) Then I'll come back to America. I'll hang out in San Fransisco for a while, vacation in Sun Valley and Portland and Seattle, move to New York and after I've made it there, I'm moving to Boston with my dogs.

You might be able to gather from my hyper-escapist attitude that I do not want to study or think about school. I kind of just want to run away and live. It seems that studying for exams is the biggest waste of time. If you haven't learned in your classes already, it's your loss. You don't NEED an exam to tell you that you don't know anything.

While I certainly don't want to be here, I'm so nervous about summer. I've gotten incredibly attached to some of my friends here-- (well, let's be honest, that's an understatement. I love my friends here.)--and it's going to be SO weird not having them around all the time. College is nothing like what I expected. And as fed up as I get with frat parties and boys lacking brains, I have to admit that I really do love it. I've probably mentioned it before on here, but I'm a big believer in the fact that life is all about relationships--friendships, romantic relationships, relationships with your family...When I think about my favorite parts of my life, they're rarely things I've experienced by myself. Anyway, to all friends and family reading this, I love you. To all the creepy stalkers, I'm glad you find my life and bizzarre jargon interesting.

I seem to be jumping around quite a bit here, but it's really just because of Cristina being so incredibly on my mind. For those of you who don't know, a classmate of mine committed suicide a couple of days ago. We weren't particularly close, but there is still that sad eeriness of an empty seat in class or (as cliche as it may sound) hearing her laugh resonate so vividly in your ears. I think Cristina's death has really shaken up a lot of the kids on campus--whether they knew her personally or not. Kids my age have such an extreme sense of cockiness that it leads to the feeling of impenetrability and immortality. Whenever something like this happens, it's a reminder that we really are in control over our own lives and that it doesn't last forever. That's probably what spurred my opening paragraph of crazy desires. Part of me thinks that life is too short to be cooped up in a library for a month when I would learn so much more travelling the world or hit the ground running in New York. At the same time, it makes me appreciate my friends and family so much more. I remember when Brendan passed away it scared me so badly that I literally thought about it every single day for a year and a half. It made me want to live better and love better. It made me want to write a note to all of my friends telling them my favorite things about them and thank every person in my family for being so wonderful and nurturing and supportive of nearly every whim and desire.

I can't fathom being one of Cristina's best friends and the pain and hurt they must be feeling right now. The first thing I thought of when I heard about it was--what on earth would I do if that happened to Laura or Bayla or Kim? I really can't imagine my life without these people and it breaks my heart just imagining it. I know it's morbid and something I probably shouldn't think about, but I can't help it. I didn't intend for this to get so morbid or sappy or cheesy, but it's been very much on my mind. You know that game "Don't Break the Ice?" It's this thing where one figurine person stands in the middle and you slowly tap out different blocks of ice and knock out as many as possible without the whole thing falling apart. That's how my relationships work. My friends and family are my support system, entertainment, and buddies. If one person was missing, it would all fall apart.

Let's see if I can end this on a more positive, less morbid note :)

I saw The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee on Friday with Abbey and it was phenomenal. It was a really incredible touring cast AND I got to meet Andrew Keenan Bolger (who I have a mild obsession with/stalk on youtube.) He graduated from Michigan MT last year and his sister (Celia) is equally phenomenal. He could not have been any sweeter (and he said I looked like a trendy Musical Theatre person!) We're now facebook friends. It must be love.

Alright, well I've procrastinated long enough. Love you guys.