"Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure." - Thomas Edison
I'm grateful Edison has a good track record because I am in dire need of advice from someone. Even a dead someone who wasn't directing advice towards me. Someone legit. Edison seems legit.
I'm hopeful that this period of angst and soul searching will find its solution and direction soon so that I may stop pestering you all with my feelings and be productive/successful already. Even my mother told me I've overburdened you with angst.
Me: "So people keep telling me they read my blog but nobody comments. Except for my sister who takes pity on me and the occasional other people."
Mom: "Well it's so burdensome having to log in to comment. And people just don't know what to say anymore. You just keep being so angsty."
Mom is accurate, but this isn't a helpful or revelatory piece of information. (Love you, mom.)
Oh hey, mom? Where did I come from? (Oh gracious. PLEASE spare me the birds and the bees conversation. I'm pretty sure we successfully avoided that conversation in my pre-adolescence (because I was a relatively self sufficient child and probably googled it. or was given a book. And if we did have that conversation I have succeeded in blocking it from my memory and would like to keep it that way. Please and thank you!) ANYWAY, that is not the topic of conversation. I mean "where did I come from" in a more (yes, angsty), broader, philosophical kind of way. Were you this angsty? How about driven? Was dad? Is my supernatural undirected quotient of drive FROM either of you? (Read: Who do I have to blame for this ambition condition?)
I keep having evenings of not wanting to go to sleep because I feel like I haven't produced anything substantial in the day. Or learned anything. Or done anything significant. I think I have the guts and the energy to hardcore pursue something but I need Dumbledore to drop down from the sky and say "HermiKatharGinnyMuggle, pursue it this way" and I will.
Where is Dumbledore when I need him? Furthermore, why am I not a wizard? Actually, I saw the last Harry Potter film again today and determined it really wouldn't be all that great to be a wizard seeing as they have to deal with Voldemort and death eaters and betrayal and such. Then again, we have to deal with Michelle Bachmann and Kim Kardashian so maybe muggles aren't so well off either.
At any rate, I have managed to dicuss wizardry more thoroughly than I have hashed out the beast of energy/drive/ambition combusting in my chest and therefore am no closer to directing/channeling it and therefore no closer to breakthrough/product.
Sorry for being angsty again, mom. Sorry to everyone else, too. By the way, you can comment anonymously and just sign it. Or not. If you're feeling all cowardly and such. Or lazy. Or don't care enough to comment (in which case I don't blame you.)
Hope you sane normal people are all sleeping tight and have a wonderful start to the week tomorrow (today.) Goodnight and good morning.
2 comments:
While milling about smartly awaiting coming gig: Select several of these many posts, websearch a head-hunter/publisher, bind, and send as a representative sample of young generation "angsty-Rorschach sub-projective test". You're a good writer. They might ask for more. Who knows? There might be a book in there somewhere. And a stream of royalty income. Best
I am logging in and leaving a comment! I just want to say that your blog helps me right along through all my struggles! Believe me. Anyone who works in the theatre understands completely what your going through. Whether you are a performer, director, designer... the same desires exist. The need to create and continue to grown consistently. And of course the need to have a chance to prove your talents instead of always trying to scrap by. Your performance in Cabaret was amazing and I have no doubt you will do what you want to do. Just keep on Truckin. The previous statement is cliche and I am so sick of saying it to myself sometimes... but, you love what you do and there is a reason for that passion. You (just like all artists) are here to contribute to the world. and you will.
Btw your blog is not angsty.
keep on bloggin!
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