A Cappella Frustrations [another rant]

Angst!

As you all may know, I've been plotting the beginnings of a co-ed a cappella group at Rhodes for some time now. I've had a desire to create something different--something new--something the college had not experienced previously. I desired to have a group with modern music, with people not exclusively from the music department. I didn't want it to be political or based on friendship ties. I wanted it to be based on talent.

Due to the fact that I have about two million other obligations next year, I began to ask around and find out who might want to run the group with me. I know I could easily run rehearsal, pick out music, pick the name, and run auditions. What I wanted was the a cappella equivalent of a "stage manager." I desired someone who could send out mass emails to the "cast," help make executive decisions, and help set up times and space for performances. Otherwise, I desired the group to largely be a democratic body. [In the last a cappella group I was in, we had some issues with the whole democracy thing...]

Once again, I'm having issues finding other people who are super gung-ho and want to start things up. [WHAT IS THIS?!] I initially found someone in my old a cappella group who was interested, but backed out early on because she was too involved in other things. (bah humbug.) Shortly thereafter, I found the most sublime, perfect person ever to help me. She was fantastically enthusiastic about music and very excited about the prospect of helping lead something. We were on board and ready to work throughout all of second semester--she drafted the constitution, I edited it, we both searched for music, and this continued into the summer. To the best of my knowledge, she's arranged about half of one song, I've arranged a couple and found sheet music for several (she's found sheet music for others as well.) Until this point, we'd only had a couple of mild tiffs and discrepancies. I wanted the group to be "Mixed Company" or something else remotely quirky, she wanted "Dynamics." The Dynamics was a cool enough name, so I dealt with it.

Confident and sure that we had a winning team to create a new a cappella group, I boldly quit my old one with my sights on a happier goal.

Unfortunately, when we had a chat last week, I realized that not only were we dealing with unrealistic illusions regarding our capabilities as a group, but also that she was less than confident about her abilities to lead the group.

While I find this to be completely bogus (she'd be perfect to help lead...), she's now saying that
a) she doesn't want to run the group
b) she doesn't want it to happen in the fall
c) she doesn't even necessarily know if it can happen in the spring.

well ho hum. I feel like this is Max Keebler's big move. I didn't even see that movie but I think about what I saw in the trailer frequently. This kid's parents decide to move, so he takes revenge on all the stupid bullies he had to deal with and does whatever he wants to, knowing that he's about to leave. Then his parents say they changed their minds. Oops. Then he's basically doomed.

I feel much like this. I set out all my obligations and preparations around this and it has fantastically and rather ungracefully fallen apart.

To be honest, I'm a little heartbroken.

Those closest to me know that I can't deal with not having a project of sorts--an outlet for my zeal. This was going to be my project for autumn, and I'm crestfallen that it won't happen anymore. I've been defeated. (Once again!)

Alas, there will be something else. I recently talked to Joel about the idea of doing Jason Robert Brown something-or-other in the fall, and right now he's saying he's 100% in. When he tries to back out this time, I've got written proof. These crazy Rhodents.

In the meantime, I've got some immediate goals.
a) pay back mother
b) go to NYC for birthday. see south pacific.
c) make JRB happen in the fall. make stellar grades. learn to be content.
d) study abroad in london
e) determine summer 09 plans--make them freaking awesome.
f) determine where I want to be in fall of 09--abroad? a different school? Rhodes?

Till then, I'll just be confused and angsty (this makes me sound awfully emo--I promise I'm a highly pleasant person most of the time) and blogging into cyberspace.

Yours truly,
Katharine