rejuvenation

Today (hopefully) marks the beginning of a cathartic rejuvenation. If you've been following me at all, you know that I've had a rather hellacious 2010--namely losing Grandmama--favorite person, role model, mentor, alter ego, other mother, and best friend. There are (as you know) days where I haven't been able to get out of bed. There have been days when the slightest irritation is a catalyst for immense anger and frustration. This is not how I desire to live. People are always "happiness is a choice." People, you're wrong. I have chosen to be happy through the first two months of this year and had it end in abysmal failure. This is something larger than me. This is something I cannot control.

What I can control is an overall effort to be better--to, on the days that I can, put one foot in front of the other, rejoice in small blessings, and embrace the multitude of opportunities I've been given. These two months have uncovered who my true friends are--who can handle the venting, the crying, the shutdown, and the unnecessary anger, and who can pick me up and lift my spirits. To all of you who fall in the aforementioned category, thank you and I love you. I know it is not easy to be my friend right now and I appreciate that you know this isn't me and you know I'm trying. I will be more than happy to return the favor if or when something falls apart in your lives (which, let's face it, is just inevitable at some point.)

Right now, I'm on a plane miles high in the sky. I have a very romantic view of travel; this is one of the reasons I am so enamored of Up in the Air. I love new beginnings, adventure, exploration, possibilities (but not necessarily uncertainty), and a vaguely unsketched agenda. I love being surrounded by strangers, and then finding my friends at the end of it.

In twenty minutes, I touch down in gorgeous Manhattan. A perfect 55 degrees, partly cloudy, and a week full of theatrical previews. (For the non-theatre folk--a show enters 2ish weeks of previews before opening officially on Broadway. Because professional rehearsal periods are so short, a lot can change in previews before opening.) Today, I choose rejuvenation. I choose unexplored possibilities. I choose to uncover more beautiful nuances in the landscape of my favorite place. I choose to challenge myself as a critic and actress. I choose progress and I choose change.

I've got my purse, a messenger bag (stuffed with clothes), my Texan girl cowboy boots, a 1940s vintage coat from a friend, and Manhattan's skyline. I'm good to go.