Conundrum: Theatrical Politics Strike Again

Hi kids. I've got a conundrum. This is unfortunate, but it does give me a reason to say "conundrum," which is fantastic.

Those who know me (at least somewhat well) know that I'm a terribly enthusiastic person. My spectrum of feeling and passion totally exceeds what should be normal human capacity; meaning, I am depression-prone but equally prone to fits of sublime happiness and excitement. This enthusiasm generally comes down to the fact that I wish to learn everything.

There's a quote I recently encountered from Frank Tyger, that is: "Ambition is enthusiasm with a purpose." Right on, Mr. Tyger.

Now, George Washington said something which (for me) dovetails off of that: "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." George Washington

George Washington was not in theater. Although (obviously) he was a brilliant politician. Politics, I've come to learn, are a paramount aspect of theater. (Duh.) At any rate, here's where the problem comes in. My favorite part of this world (aside from music) is human connection. Deep down, I am a teacher and director. I love sharing knowledge and making connections. I loathe monologues and solo songs, but I relish sharing moments onstage with others (or being the director who assisted the actor in getting to that moment.)

Theatrical politics are very tricky. I am a happy, generally kind, enthusiastic human being. I attempt to see the best in everyone initially and (as advised by GW) be courteous to all. My problem is a good one to have, I suppose. It's not that there are an extraordinary number of people I dislike in the community. That is not the case. The problem is that I love people too much.

Occasionally, I run across someone who absolutely fascinates me. Generally the qualities of these types are:
1. Totally brilliant. Exceptionally brighter than I am.
2. Artistic geniuses in some manner.
3. Terribly kind and humble, down-to-earth and feel similarly about people and art as I do.

So begins the talent crush. I respect these people more than anyone else on the planet, and understand I can learn so much from them. Here's the thing: How does one learn as much as possible from these people without coming off as an awful brown noser? Is it wrong to inform someone how much you respect them if it is completely genuine? And when do you hit the point when it is completely annoying? I am so enamored of learning that I think it's hindered my perception of what is 'too much'.

I don't even know that I want to be an actress. I know that I want to direct. I know that I want to cast. I know that I want to produce. Thus, my talent crushes are often teachers, directors, and producers. These are people in positions of power. I don't befriend them because I want a good grade or want to be the lead. (Frankly, I don't care about grades nearly as much as I should and I don't even remotely desire to be a lead in ANYTHING right now. Okay, maybe a tap show. But there does seem to be a shortage of those...Whatever.)

I just feel that in a business where you constantly deal with bullshit and superficiality, you should be able to acknowledge and thank those so far from the norm--the folks who really care about the art and have something to give to it.

As a fairly new 'actress' in the community, it's a difficult balance to achieve. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut altogether. Leave everyone alone. Just stay home and read plays all day long. (Let's be honest: that's what I've been doing the past week anyway.)

Blargh. Endless cycle of inner monologues and inner neurosis. Fie on you, passion! I have too much.

I keep talking about writing that play or musical. I really need to get back to that. Not only because it marries my two favorite things (writing and theatre) but also because people might understand that I'm not just some 20 year old entitled-feeling female actress with a peasized brain freely giving compliments. I'm not saying that's what people think of me, but if they do, I guess I could see how they could perceive that...if they didn't know me.

Blargh again. I guess it's a good problem to have. Too much love for too many things. Frustration.

I mean, what would you do?