So, This is Love

Sanders Family Christmas--very solid reviews.

Minor squabbles for me vocally, since I've been trying to get back my voice post-phlegm/cold. Otherwise, it's wonderful. I absolutely adore each and every cast member, have loved working with Cheryl Denson, and am having a marvelous time. They make me look good.

Saw Up in the Air last night. Such a brilliant movie--best I've seen a really long while. I'm ready to see it again, asap. Anna Kendrick is a new idol (well, not new. I discovered I have been watching her for sometime..Broadway's Leading Ladies, Camp...) but she is fabulous in Up in the Air. So talented. And she idolizes Katharine Hepburn, so she gets major brownie points there.

Schools coming to a close--slowly, but surely. A lot to do in the next couple of days. Wish me luck.

Contemplating a redesign for my website. More professional, less Katharine. Is that a sacrifice I'm willing to make? Gracious, I'm still basically a kid. I'm allowed to have a slightly girly site, right? okay...more than slightly. Ahem.

In other news, I'm obsessed with my craft. Every aspect of acting and performance consumes me and fascinates me. I really don't know how good at it I am yet, or if I will ultimately end up performing. Casting? Criticizing? Producing? Music supervising? Who knows? For now, I'm focusing on performance, and though it is often frustrating, I love it. I love how lucky I am and what a rare thing it is to find a passion that you can turn into a job. It's amazing.

As much as I gripe and complain about school (let's face it--I can be a needlessly fussy person) I've learned so much. I'm able to criticize and identify good/bad moments in acting 1000000x more accurately and quickly than I ever would have before (if at all). And I love it. Acting is such a mind game. It's like--pile on memorization, character, listening, emotion (as result, not process), background info, and genuine life in a character...while clearly giving information to an audience..while not being selfish onstage and giving others moments...while doing your job...while portraying an honest, genuine human being that you aren't judging, but understanding (regardless of their flaws.)

--Guys, this has to be the worst grammatical post ever, but it's basically stream-of-conscious writing/thinking, so bear with me.--

At any rate, I am quite in love with it all. The only problem I seem to continually find is that because I am so incredibly hard on myself and self-critical to a quasi-deprecatory degree coupled with my fear of failure, I often feel hopeless and worthless. I need to give the process time. I need to allow myself to learn. Cheno wasn't always a genius. Neither was Audra. Neither was Katharine Hepburn. Okay, maybe she was. No, she wasn't. I've read Me (her autobiography) and she certainly wasn't.

Maybe I should stop talking and over-thinking and exposing you to my mental diarrhea. In the meantime, know that I'm reading/singing/rehearsing/studying/observing/criticizing everything about this art as much as I can as quickly as possible. This is love, and I'm in it (in whatever manner it may come) for the long-haul.