Lost and Found

I live in a very harsh, particular, and critical place.

Theatre and music are spiritual for me--they are quite seriously my places of worship. Theatrical dialogue may as well be prayers and the music woven in them are hymns.

I have insane standards. And whether you're in an eighth grade musical, educational theatre, community theatre, regional shows, or a Broadway show, I'm judging you on the same scale. And I'm not going to keep apologizing for that.

I'm in school for theatre. I'm here to learn. I'm here to dissect. I'm here to create. I'm here to judge.

I'm not a professional critic. Someday, I think I might like to be. I'm not a professional director. Someday I might like to be. I'm barely a professional actress. I don't think these three careers need to be mutually exclusive. If art is the goal and these careers (in theory) all want to achieve the best art possible, then there shouldn't be a problem.

I'm going to piss people off. I'm going to lose friends. I will always have an opinion and I will occasionally share it.

I'm learning daily who are my true friends and who aren't. There is a very, very small handful of people who I can be completely honest with who not only appreciate the honesty, but also don't betray it.

I have found a very vicious career that I am unfortunately--and fortunately-- smitten with. I don't know where it will ultimately lead, but frankly I don't care. This is a journey, and my life changes daily. How can I expect to know where I'm headed? The best parts of my life are often surprises--offers, shows, and friends. That's what I look forward to.

To those of you who call themselves creative artists but only care for positive reinforcement, you might not always get that from me. To those of you who desire my opinion, ask. To those who are going to stir up a big fuss if you ask, and I tell you something you don't like--don't bother.

And always know that as critical as I am of others, I am at least ten times harder on myself. I guarantee it. There has not been a single show I've done that I have been pleased with my performance. I've been content with a couple and proud of things in them, but I have yet to give myself a good review. Considering I've done 10 shows in the past year, that's pretty harsh (and telling.)

There's a quote from an actress I greatly admire: "I do not regret one professional enemy I have made. Any actor who doesn't dare to make an enemy should get out of the business." - Bette Davis

Amen. Tough love, baby.