Spring Cleaning and Such

Eventful weekend.

Grandmama's still sleeping.  Hasn't responded since Wednesday night (Thursday morning?) Regardless, pretty sure she's said her last.

Still hurts recognizing that.

Determined tonight that I think I am in shock.  Or maybe I'm just going through a phase of it.  Not aching all over anymore, but just desiring to be at the house ALL the time.  I cannot express the comfort of being in the house with her.  Maybe I'm still hanging on.  Or maybe I think it somehow offers her comfort or happiness.  Or maybe I just want to grab every ounce of Grandmama magic before she's completely gone.  Regardless, I have absolutely no desire to go to school tomorrow.

And on that note, SMU rant...for those that want to skip, I'll give you some brackets where the SMUangst stops...

[begin SMU rant]
I auditioned for SMU theater and decided to go there because I thought it was where my theatrical education would be best rounded out.  I did not need to get a theater degree.  I could have a degree in something else.  I chose to get a theater degree because I thought it would be enjoyable and profitable.  With that in mind, I thought SMU would provide that and have my best interest in mind.  I am now questioning whether or not that is actually the case.

I auditioned for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels last week (last week? two weeks ago? Lawsy, I've lost track of time entirely...).  If you know me at all, you KNOW that I was dying to be in this show.  Kalita Humphries, Uptown Players, Cheryl Denson, great show, great dancing.  Basically, it's guaranteed magic.  Auditioned. It went well.  Callback? Not so much.  Callback was the night I really found out about Grandmama.  No bueno.  I checked out, and stopped caring halfway through the dance call. (WHAT?! You know that's not like me..especially for people I respect and a show I really want.)  Regardless, it apparently worked out okay because I got cast. NO FREAKING WAY, right? Excitement abounds.  Glorious excitement.

It conflicts with my lighting crew assignment. Stellar.  Didn't think this was going to be an issue.  So long story short, I attempt to negotiate with the run crew person ("can I switch with another student? could I get an incomplete and do it later? could I drop the course and take it next semester?). No, no, and no.  Yes, we will work around student projects that are tentative and taking place in our basement.  No, despite the fact that we did not cast or even call you back for a single thing in our department, you may not do a professional show.  Why? Because not enough people signed up for this course and we need you to run the lighting board?

Oh? Well gosh darn.  I am SO sorry to be inconveniencing you.  I'm sorry for thinking we were paying an inordinate sum of money for me to experience theater--which preferably involves actually doing it.  I'm sorry that even though I signed up for lighting LAST semester and you kicked me out because you had TOO MANY students, that I am now inconveniencing you because this semester you have too few.  I'm sorry that my professional gig in an amazing space doesn't qualify as real theater because it is a) in Dallas and b) a musical.  OH WAIT.  Kitchen Dog and Dallas Theater Center are the only theaters in Dallas, aren't they.  Excuse me.  I'm so sorry.

[PS: the you to which I refer is a general thing--anger is definitely not directed towards one individual]

I'm going to class and I'm happily doing the work.  (This said, I am in some GREAT classes.  My theater history professor is an epic genius and I am loving that class this semester, and last semesters profs continue to be fantastic)  I'm dropping lighting, because guess what?  I'm getting this degree for me.  That's what my money and time are going towards.  It's not narcissistic.  It's practical.  C'est tout.

[end SMU rant]

Spent the day in Garland with the family.  It was glorious.  Accidentally slept through Bedside Baptist (the half-joking name my mother gave to the church services we've been having in Grandmama's bedroom complete with guitars and pianos and singing.) It might have done me particular good this week--I probably need to confess all my ill feelings towards SMU right now.  Hymns, for some reason, are really particularly difficult for me to sing around her.  It's likely because music is the most spiritual experience I can fathom and also the most personal.

Saw Mame last night at Hockaday.  Lovely to see the baby Hockadaisies makin' me proud.  In the meantime, I'm making an effort to really get back on track this week.  Eat healthily, exercise, map out Ursula, map out Lefty scene thoroughly, get normal sleeping hours, attend all classes happily, and be kind (in general.)  All good goals.   All doable.

Here we go.

PS: Does anyone actually read this thing ever?  I occasionally get randos saying "Oh, I was reading your blog the other day and..." Show me some love!  I do really write this to get stuff outta my system, but I'd love to know if anyone really looks at this thing, so share a comment if you please!